well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
