I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
