I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
