his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So squirting runs in the family.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
