well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
