I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
