I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
