return my video game
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
