NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
