$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
