So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
