Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
