so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
