i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
