he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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