i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
