so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
