the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
