I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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