is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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