She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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