You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
