Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
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