My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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