I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
