Tell her she can't have a vagina
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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