I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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