if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
