next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
