When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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