i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
