were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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