I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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