Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
