I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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