so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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