i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
