areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
