And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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