The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
