she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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