so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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