You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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