I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
