is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
