he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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