I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
