this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We have started to decorate penises.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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