they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
