We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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