I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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