party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
