lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
