May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
