he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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