That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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