just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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